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My Transition to Motherhood – Some Background
When you’re pregnant, people give you all sorts of advice. Do this, don’t do this. Some of it is helpful, some of it isn’t. I don’t really mind this sort of advice since most people tend to have good intentions and I enjoy the different perspectives. I just filter it all – knowing I’ll keep some and not all of it.
That said, I operate best with clear expectations. During pregnancy, I soaked up all sorts of blog posts, books, and conversations (and a class at the hospital) about pregnancy symptoms, labor & delivery, the hospital stay, etc. I had heard so many labor stories from friends (both good and bad) that I felt like I had a pretty good idea of what to expect and different things that could happen while I was in the hospital.
And fortunately, my labor process was pretty simple and we happily welcomed a healthy baby boy. Our hospital stay was awesome. Of course I was sore and exhausted. But, I was surrounded by friends, family, our son, and a whole team of nurses and experts reassuring me that I was doing a great job and that my baby was healthy.
Then two days later we wrapped up our little bundle of joy and took him home. That was when the fun really began. And I realized the one thing that I hadn’t thought about before giving birth – what it would be like at home. That brings me to the one thing I wish someone would have told me bluntly during all those labor and delivery talks:
There is no instruction manual for being a mom. It doesn’t matter how many babies you’ve held or how many books you’ve read. Every baby is different and momming is hard.
The fact is, bringing baby home can be hard and scary and exhausting. It’s just not all the cuddly and beautiful pictures floating around Instagram.
My Best Tips for New Moms
And so, here are 6 tips for new mamas to help you get through the first few weeks.
Don’t be afraid to say how you feel (and don’t feel guilty for how you feel either)
In case you missed it, pregnancy and childbirth does a number on your hormones. In the first few days of motherhood, I remember going through a whole gamut of feelings. I was overwhelmed with love for our son. I was exhausted from delivery and waking up so frequently for feedings in the middle of the night. And I was frustrated that I couldn’t remember all the things that needed to be done. Thankfully, I didn’t deal with Post-partum depression or anxiety with Little, but I know others who have. I just want to encourage you that no matter what you feel in those first few weeks, you’re not crazy. Don’t be afraid to talk about it and seek out help if you need it.
You Might Not “Miss This” (and that’s okay, too)
There’s the old cliche, “You’re going to miss this” that everyone loves to tell you when you become a new mom. Usually at the worst possible times. Like when you’re covered in spit up and on day 3 of not taking a shower. Really? Really? I’ll miss this? Maybe not.
Don’t get me wrong – there are things that I adore about the newborn stage. Hello, sweet baby snuggles. The sweet baby smell. All the tiny little clothes, the first laugh, those little gummy grins. I have bottled up all those little memories from Little’s newborn stage plus so many others. I miss those some days.
But, other parts are just not that fun. Waking up in the middle of the night covered in sweat and/or leaking milk? Don’t miss it. Going weeks without a full sleep cycle? Don’t miss it. And if I’m honest (which I am), I’m not totally looking forward to these things with Baby #2 either. And that’s totally fine. It’s good to be open and transparent and acknowledge that while we can be totally enamored with a little person and feel so thankful to be moms, it’s just not all glamorous. It’s worth it. But that doesn’t make all of it enjoyable.
Ask for (and Accept) Help
As a new mom, your primary responsibilities are taking care of baby and taking care of yourself. Period. If you’ve done that, you’ve had a successful and productive day. All the other things that were on your to-do list?
Well, admittedly, they don’t just disappear, but they aren’t your main concern right now.
Ask for help to get those things done. For washing the dishes or taking care of older kids. Ask for someone to watch the baby so you can nap or shower. Let someone else bring you dinner.
Not sure what to ask for? Here’s a great list of ways that friends can help out.
Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself.
This is WAY easier said than done. You’ve just given birth and now you have a little one to care for. But, as your body heals, it is critical that you be aware of your own needs too. This will allow you to take the best care of your little one. Sleep whenever and wherever you can. Take a shower when you can. Stock up on healthy snacks that are easy to prepare and eat so you can best fuel your body. Drink lots of water. Go for a walk and get some fresh air. All these little things add up.
Don’t skip out on them. Leave the dishes or ask someone else to do them. But do not neglect yourself.
Keep the Essentials Close By
You don’t want to have to run all around the house trying to find things in those first few weeks. Set up a portable changing station that can move around with you to be sure you can change the baby wherever you are. I also lived in my nursing pillow those first few weeks. Like, it went EVERYWHERE with me.
You’ll also want to keep snacks and water close by for you too. Maybe even a book, your phone, chapstick, the remote. Really anything that you use often should be kept nearby.
It Gets Better
It gets better. Like, way better. This is the one I really needed to hear. For us, it was about three weeks of fog. And then a magical thing happens where you all start getting used to one another, your body starts to adjust and continue healing from delivery, and you just start to feel more confident in your new role. Babies grow and learn so much so quickly, and soon enough, you’ll really start to notice.
We’re All Just Winging It (aka No One Actually Has it All Together)
This one is mostly for the pep-talk in the middle of the night. It’s so important to remember that everyone is learning during this time. Your baby has spent the last nine months connected to a constant food source. Now he’s out in the world and that can be a scary place to be. When he’s hungry, he needs to find food and exert effort to get it. It’s cold out here – it’s not as snuggly and good grief – so many lights! That’s okay.
And Mama – you now have someone who is totally dependent on you. Your body just did an incredible thing and it’s healing. (It will heal, by the way. It just takes some time.) You’re tired and hungry, and probably don’t feel very much like yourself. It’s okay.
The truth is, people have been having and raising baby since the beginning, and there still isn’t one definitive guide on how to do it best. That’s because every child and every mama is so different and unique. We all have to learn our way in this new role and it will be different for you than it is for others. We all have our good days and our hard days. But, at the end of all the days, we’re all learning as we go.
It takes a village. We need one another to build us up and support us and we need to do the same for others when we can. You’ve got this, Mama. You really do.
And finally, just because you might need to hear this, too:
What advice or tips would you give to new moms? Is there anything that you wish someone had told you before becoming a mom? Any tips for adding another to the family?
Girl there is SO much truth to this… such wonderful wisdom even with a third babe!
Thank you!! Motherhood is no joke!
Awesome tips!! Definitely a few I wish I had with my first Kiddies… I love the one about keeping the essentials close. I learned that the hard way when i was trying to make it from one room to the next in the midst of a diaper explosion… LOL
It’s a must! I learned this with my first. Nobody has time to walk all over the house when you need to change a diaper!
I remember my mum giving me what she thought was her best tip after I had my first baby, it was if you get a few minutes to yourself lay the table ready for tea time so it looks good when your husband comes home, I did this, my baby was exceptionally good and napped a lot, each time I went to the kitchen to make a drink or bottle I had to look at the already laid table #ourminilinkyparty@_karendennis
I’m sure seeing the table well laid was so nice. I definitely didn’t worry about setting the table when my guy was so little!
Really enjoyed this post, so honest, I can relate to many things you say cause I have a 5-months-old baby-girl at home! And I don´t remember when I was sleeping 4 h with no interruption lol But it´s such a blessing at the same time!
Merry Christmas,
Anna / http://atlifestylecrossroads.com
Thank you so much! Sleep deprivation is no joke. It is truly so hard and so wonderful at the same time! I hope you have a very Merry Christmas!! Thank you for stopping by!
These are great tips – new moms need to be gentle with themselves! Thanks for sharing with Party in Your PJs!
Thank you! I totally agree to be gentle with yourself!
I really like that you added take care of yourself! It is so easy to forget about your own needs in the sleepless fog immediately after having a baby!
Totally! It is easy to forget – but it really is so important!
Such great points! Yes you might not miss this and it does get better eventually hehe.
Thank you so much!
Such good tips! these are perfect for every new mom! Love the openness!
Thank you so much! I wish I had some of this advice before I became a mom!
I love your honesty and the way you give permission to others to just be honest and not feel the need to package everything up with a pretty bow all of the time!
I appreciate that so much, Laura! It is certainly my goal to keep this an honest space! I really think that when we let ourselves be real and honest, we create space for others to do the same – and that’s when we can start to really dive deep into community with one another!
I wish I’d found this as a new mom a few years ago… YES to #2, some parts are so hard (and some days and weeks are so sleep-deprived!) I’m sure this post has been and will be a relief to many new moms in those early days! #wanderingwednesday
Thank you so much! I wish I had it a few years ago as new mom, too! The sleep deprivation is so real. I remember when I finally got a full sleep cycle after having our first and I felt like a whole new person!
I totally agree with all of this. We had a rough time with my first daughter- she has colic for almost a year so let’s just say I got a lot of unwanted advice.
Oh wow!! A whole year?! I know that was tough and I can only imagine Al the advice you got!
I love this post! Your points are so important for any mom but especially first-time moms. My sister gave birth to her firstborn two days ago. I’ve told her many of these things because my decade of parenting has taught me soooo many lessons. However, you hit on some things I need to reiterate. Thank you for the reminders & for making this journey a little easier for us all!
Thank you!! Of course I could offer a whole list of other practical tips. But man, I really just needed to now that the hard season of newborn life would get better and easier! Congratulations to your sister!
Such great tips, and you are so right!! There is no end of advice that people LOVE to give you when you’re expecting or a new mom, oftentimes unsolicited. 😉
Right?! People love to give all sorts of advice. I think you just have to assume that they mean the best and take everything with a grain of salt. Keep what’s useful and toss the rest!
I love the “it gets better” part. This is so true. It takes time, but it does <3
This was the biggest thing for me. I had no expectation for how long it would feel hard. Having been there, I feel so much more prepared for #2 because I know that each season is really so very temporary!
These are great tips for new moms! The tip about saying how you feel is especially important.
I totally agree! I had such a full range of competing emotions, it was important for me to be able to talk about them!
Love this post. So refreshingly honest, and I wish I’d read it in the early days of my little one’s life, would have made me feel soo much better about (what felt like) my hopeless situation. Expecially liked the tip about not missing it, felt crazy when I really WASN’T enjoying the first few weeks and ‘everybody else did’ so thought something was wrong with me lol
Thankss for a great read! X
Honestly, I wish it was written before I became a mom, too! I literally googled, “Is it normal to hate breastfeeding” in the middle of the night in those early days (and I ended up nursing our first for 21 months – and it ended up being one of the most special parts of the newborn stage to me). I also distinctly remember telling my husband that I was having a hard time finding joy in the middle of the night when I was changing diapers again. On the other side of it, I can see how temporary it all was, but it definitely wasn’t easy!
I love that you pointed out that you might not miss every single baby moment…some of them are utter crap haha! But it is important to know that this stage is short, worth it, and an important part of becoming a mama. So much is learned during those days and nights when you think you can’t get any tireder. I would also add that, yes, it takes a VILLAGE – so be a part of one! Ask for help, talk often to your friends on the phone, invite people into even this messy part of your life so that you do not feel alone. That’s what makes it hard: feeling alone and in the dark.
I think you are totally right. It would be way harder to do it alone. I actually thought about that so many times when we were in that stage – I just don’t know how people go it alone. It really opened my eyes to just how challenging (albeit rewarding) motherhood can be and gave me a huge heart to see people in community lifting one another up. I really do not know how I would function doing this alone.
I definitely don’t miss the newborn stage but I kind of do. Like I like to remember that stage but do not wish to go through it again. I doubt we’ll have a second baby. lol the newborn stage is rough! Great tips!
It can be really tough! We are excited for our second to be here in a few weeks, but I am definitely already mentally preparing for the sleep deprivation – and hoping for a good sleeper!
Excellent advice! Keeping the essentials nearby postpartum is so important. Especially food. When both my boys were newborns, I was hungrier than when i was pregnant from all the nursing.
Same! I had such strong cravings and felt hungry ALL the time after pregnancy!
I’ll be sharing this with the new mommies in my life 🙂
Thank you so much! I appreciate it!
I really like the you might not miss this point. Yes, it can be crazy this life as a new mom and it’s ok not to love every aspect and be happy certain phases have gotten better/easier.
I just really think it’s important to acknowledge that. Before I became a mom, I thought I would just naturally love every stage – you know, because I was a mom. I’ve learned that that is totally not the case and that’s not abnormal. I adore being a mom and there are definitely parts of every season that I have loved and want to bottle up forever, but that doesn’t make every single season my favorite!
I like number 3, find a time to take care of yourself. We need “me time” lol
Em
http://www.helloislandmama.com
We really do! I think this is often the most easy to forget, but it really is so important to take care of ourselves so we can best take care of others!
Beautifully said! You’re absolutely right – no matter what stage of life we’re in, we’re all just winging it. And I think you’re winging it just great 🙂
Thank you so much! It’s just so easy to get caught up in social media/blog land and think that everyone else has it all together. But the truth is, none of us do all the time and it’s so refreshing to remember that.
I am not a mom but I so appreciate your openness and honesty in this post!! I will for sure keep this all in mind for when I am a mom!
Thank you so much!
Thank you for this. There couldn’t be a more fitting post for me right now – I am less than three weeks away from my due date. I can’t wait but am also a bit terrified after hearing how hard it will be. I will have to pull up this post when things get overwhelming during those first few weeks.
You will be so wonderful! I think if you just have the expectation that it will be tough, but temporary, it is a much easier transition. Don’t expect yourself to know everything and be sure to ask for help! Motherhood is a wonderful journey and I’m excited for you!!
These are such great tips, and such good timing! A friend of my just had her first baby and I know she’s stressing out about getting it all right.
It is so easy to stress. It was important for me to remember that I was not in it alone and that no one really has it figured out. Even now, I’m learning as I go in so many regards!