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You know those days where you have it all together? The laundry is done, the house isn’t a total wreck, you took a shower (and dried your hair!!), and you’ve got a fun activity planned for the day. We have those days around here sometimes and I will be the first one to tell you – it. is. AWESOME. I feel like Super Woman.
And then, there are days where I cannot get it together. Like at all. This week alone, I have burned dinner (I was cooking this chili mac & cheese and it was going to be DELICIOUS) and spent multiple hours searching for a pacifier only to find it in the bottom shelf of the fridge door. I wore the same outfit two days in a row and no, I didn’t wash the dishes last night because I just didn’t.
The truth is it’s not easy to always find a balance. And, even when you think you’ve found a balance, life throws you curve balls that you weren’t expecting and you’ve got to find a way to adjust. Everyday is different. Some days you’ve got it and some days you don’t. I’m learning to be okay with this, but I still find myself yearning for control over the things in my life. Well, control and 3 more productive hours of the day.
Choosing the Better Thing: The Story of Mary and Martha
In the middle of all the chaos, I recently sat down intentionally before bed to read the story of Mary and Martha. I recognized myself getting anxious and burdened with so many things and I knew I needed a reset. This story is pretty well known if you’ve grown up in Christian circles. In short, Jesus comes to visit and Mary stops and takes a place at his feet. She is quick to be present and to be still. She wants to listed to what he has to say. Mary isn’t bothered by the other things that need to be done because she knows that her time is far better spent with her Savior than elsewhere.
And then there’s Martha.
And then there’s Martha. Task-oriented, perfectly relate-able Martha. She’s trying to get things done – things that would get done a lot more quickly if she had some help. Martha has her to-do list and she’s working on it. She’s busy and even though I’m sure she would love to just take a minute to sit and listen and be with Mary and Jesus, who else is going to get the things done?
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken from her.” Luke 10:41-42, NIV
Here I am. I’m right with Martha, but I want to be with Jesus.
You see, here’s the thing. I don’t think that Martha was trying to be a terrible hostess. In fact, I think she was well-intended in trying to get things done. I cannot tell you the number of times it has been late at night and I have decided against rest to try to get one more thing done. Or the number of things that have been left undone because I’ve been preoccupied with less important tasks. All the things are distracting. This is especially true for me being at home and trying to balance raising Little, staying on top of house work, and trying to grow the blog. But, I know my tendency was the same even before children and if I had to guess, I’d say this isn’t an issue only for mamas.
So, how can we get some balance? Here are 5 things that I think will help.
How to Find Your Balance When Life is Busy
Pray About It
This one is so important and for me, the foundation of any sort of balance. I notice a very clear difference in my ability to “have it together” when I am spending time in prayer and the Bible. The biggest key is that this reminds me and grounds me in the truth that I simply cannot do it all in my own strength. I have to depend on Christ to be the kind of wife, mom, friend, that I want to be. It is also a really important reminder to me to understand that in ALL things, I should do whatever I do to the glory of God. In that regard, all of it is actually worship. The laundry, the dishes, the same story over and over again from the library. It’s all for the glory of God. Some verses that I cling to during this season:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10a
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
“So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31
Be Clear About Your Priorities
Priorities should be the things that drive our to-do lists. I view understanding your priorities clearly as understanding all the various roles you have and responsibilities that go along with those roles during the season of life you are currently in and then understanding how those rank with one another. A simple example of this would be the following: Christ follower, wife, mama, family member, friend, blogger.
Some of these things overlap, but this is generally the way I want to order the activities in my life. I care first and foremost about my relationship with Christ (as I believe it’s foundational to all the other relationships in my life). Next, it matters to me to be a good wife and mama in our home. This includes lots of things from maintaining our home, to teaching Little, and even to keeping myself healthy. And so the list goes on.
Your list might look a different from mine, but I think it’s important that you have this list personally and that you are clear about what’s on it.
Plan Ahead
Take some time at the start of each week to plan ahead. For our family, this means that we plan our meals for the week, which in turn allows us to plan our grocery list. We discuss whether or not we have any events happening during the week that needs to be on the calendar. Finally, I jot down ideas for activities each day with Little. I keep up with what days the libraries near us have story time, any fun things happening around town, and any play dates with friends that we need to catch up with. Knowing ahead of time what the plan is for each day allows us to get more done during the week. It allows us to start each day with a plan rather than spending the first half hour of each day figuring out what we’d like to do.
It also allows us to be more flexible with our schedule. For example, grocery shopping is a non-negotiable around here. If we don’t get food, we will be eating out that week. Alternatively, story time is totally negotiable, even though it’s a fun activity that we try to do regularly. If a friend texts last minute to get together, I can move story time to another day to make time.
Planning ahead isn’t just for the fun activities though. I try to plan as much as I can ahead. The laundry is going to be done on Wednesday, for example. That means hubs and I need to be sure any laundry that needs to be washed needs to be in the hamper before then. Bathrooms get cleaned on another day and I reserve nap time for blog work on another day. Writing these things down helps me tremendously.
Embrace “No”
This one is tough. Sometimes you just have to say no. This is my least favorite tip. It’s not always fun, but I promise you it is necessary. I learned this lesson recently on a Friday morning when we planned to go to the library. The house needed some attention and Little was playing so well and independently after breakfast. The clock told me that I needed to start getting him dressed and out the door for story time. But, in the moment, I knew we needed to stay home. We had the most wonderful day of playing at home and I got SO much work done simply because we said no to our activity that day.
Maybe for you that looks like saying no to another outing with your friends so you can rest. Or saying no to watching one more episode on TV so that you can wash the dishes. The thing to remember is that every “no” is a “yes” to something else and vice versa. By learning to say “no” to some things, we are freed to say “yes” to the better things. (A book I really loved about this topic is The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst.)
Give Yourself Some Grace (& Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help!)
And finally, give yourself some grace. You simply cannot (and don’t have to be!) all things to all people. And some days are just better than others. Life is crazy. Be realistic about what you can accomplish in any given day or week. Celebrate when you get things done and understand the why when you don’t get things done. Did you make the to-do list too long than was reasonable? Maybe you didn’t prioritize the list well and left off some of the important things? Maybe you just weren’t really productive that week. Did something happen that was outside of your control? If you can understand and identify the why to these questions, it will help you continue to find balance in setting realistic goals for yourself.
The bonus tip here is to ask for help. I’ve learned in our house that often, I am the one that carries around the stress of things undone. So many of the things I worry about don’t even cross Hubs’ radar as urgent. When I let him in on it and ask for his help, we get so much more accomplished together. He can talk me down from my stress and help me come up with a plan to get things done. He has even been known to send me to the coffee shop alone when I feel like I really need to get work done. (Bless him.) Just ask for help.
Finally
I know it’s hard. Let’s be real – I don’t have it together often more than I do. But I know that these things are helpful and I want to encourage you whether you’re feeling really on top of it today, or really overwhelmed. No matter where you are, I know you’ve probably got multiple hats and several balls in the air that you’re trying to juggle. It’s alright. In the grand scheme of things, the dishes can wait. Keep your sanity.
How do you find balance and get things done in your life? Please share your resources and tips in the comments below or email me at livewellplaytogether@gmail.com. I am always eager to find out what is working for others.
I feel like I can tap into becoming Martha quite often but when I am off social media with the mindset of dying to myself and living for Christ, I see that being Mary is a gift He intended me to walk in. I have four children (one grown and launched), homeschool and work a fulltime ministry with my husband so abiding is imperative. Joy is abounding when I make a choice to be present, pray continually & wait upon what God wants me to do that day opposed to myself. Thanks for writing this blog as a necessary mandate to “Mary”. My kids will tell me “stop Martha-ing, Mom”. #AccountabilityRightThere
I love what you said that “Joy is ABOUNDING when I make a CHOICE to be present, pray CONTINUALLY, and wait upon what God wants me to do.” This is a really excellent reminder and a great challenge to me especially as we enter into what can quickly become a busy season! It is important that we take time to unplug an intentionally present!
Love the reminder that I do not need to be all things to all people. What He wants me to do is to choose the better part. xo
So important to remember! I have to remind myself of this often!
Favorite line: “Jesus comes to visit and Mary stops and takes a place at his feet. She is quick to be present and to be still. ” And the words, “Embrace No.” Needed them today. Thanks!
I’m so glad it was an encouragement to you, Joy! Thank you for stopping by!
Every tip is great! I love how you recognized that “you carried the burden of the things left undone. It didn’t even cross your husband’s radar.” Isn’t it funny how we are usually putting the pressure on ourselves? I’ve found that focusing more on God and what is most important to me (good mom over clean house) and knowing my non-negotiables are a huge help!
Thank you so much!! It’s interesting to see the differences between what we stress about and our husbands! Thank goodness for it, too! Hi sorry definitely helps keep me balanced!
This is beautiful and exactly what I needed to read right now! Thank you so much for sharing about a topic that is so important- we all need to remember what is important and find out how to balance what is best for us. Thank you again!
Thank you so much. I’m so glad that it encouraged you. To be totally honest – I need to re-read it myself from time to time!
I’ve learned more about grace since becoming a parent than I ever knew possible… it is SO important!
Whew, yes! Grace. Grace. Grace.
Such great tips!! More often that not I have the “I have so much to do”/ “nothing is going right” day. I need to be better at stopping and thinking about my priorities. Thank you for the reminder!
You’re welcome! I can definitely relate!
Such a great list! I love the reminder to check priorities. It can make such a big difference when things are hectic! Also saying NO! That one’s really hard for me sometimes…
Same!! It can be really tough to say no sometimes, but it is so important, too!
I love this whole post! It encompasses so many things that I know and believe. I took a time management course at the end of the last year and the gal who taught it went really in depth in terms of priorities and making sure that our to-do list lines up with them. It’s been a great reminder to me to take a step back and look at my priority list and make adjustments when I start getting overwhelmed.
Thanks so much, Shani! Frankly, it was really helpful for me to write down as a reminder to myself. I’m glad you found it helpful!
These are a great reminder of how to take on the chaos of life. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you; I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Oh my gosh, when I read the part about you feeling like you needed to reread the story of Mary and Martha it was like a lightbulb clicked in my head! I’m going to try and do that today too. I think that biggest thing for me is priorities. I read another post the other day about listing your priorities somewhere that you could see them throughout the day, which I think is a great idea.
That is a really good idea. There are so many distractions throughout any given day so I think being clear about your priorities is really critical.
I love all of these! I’ve been struggling with juggling everything lately too. I’ve essentially been out of town training for two weeks straight and I’ve struggled to juggle daily house chores (cooking, laundry not even thinking about cleaning!), my job, working out and my blog. And it’s been hard and I’ve been hard on myself. I think I need to sit down and reread Mary and Martha myself.
Grace. Grace. Grace. And you’ve been out of town! I hope things settle down soon!
I so badly need to work on these tips! Especially saying no. There are so many good causes and events and I need to learn how to take on just enough to excel at what I do.
It can be really hard. I try to think of it as being ok to say no to even good things so that we can say yes to the BEST things. You are right – there are so many good things that it is easy to get distracted. That is what really stuck out to me in the Mary & Martha story. She wasn’t doing anything BAD, she was just being distracted by the other things instead of focused on the best thing. I’m glad this was helpful to you!
Great ideas! So important to define priorities to keep things on order. Saying no can be so hard for me but often makes the difference between crazy and peace. Thanks for the reminders!
I totally agree! Thank you for stopping by!
Yes, I love this! So important to prioritize, allow yourself to take a breath in the chaos, and also deviate from original plans. Something that helps me is having one day set aside for cleaning (otherwise I feel like I’m cleaning all week and I hate it). Also, I am trying to implement “food prepping” instead of meal-planning; I pick general meals for the week, then spend time prepping random ingredients so that I can throw together any number of dishes at will. This works better for us than specific meal days lol.
Food prepping is HUGE! It is a commitment, but it really helps the chaos and budget throughout the week!
I thought working from home would allow more balance, but I’m not sure that it does. In some ways, work and home gets all swirled in together.
I originally wanted to move my desk to our 3rd bedroom so I’d have a door and could focus.
It wouldn’t fit, so I’m in the living room where my family can unfortunately interrupt me.
Oh Mama! Work from home sounds so glamorous doesn’t it? But you are right, it so easily gets swirled together and can be overwhelming sometimes – especially with kids. I used to work from home some days for my job before deciding to stay home and it was really tough, so I can totally relate!
I’ve gotten better about saying no, but I think I need to work on my priorities. This was a really great read! I appreciate the suggestions <3
Thanks so much; I’m glad it was helpful!
Praying ahead and prayer always work wonders. I am actually figuring out how I can better with planning ahead. That would be great.
– xo, Azanique | http://www.lotsofsass.com
It makes such a difference! I’m not always the greatest at it, but I can tell a big difference when I’ve planned some things ahead!
Awesome tips. I have taken note because chaos is certainly ruling my days lately!
Thanks! I’m glad it was helpful! Here’s to some calm soon! <3
I love Lara casey, great suggestions!
Thanks so much!
I really enjoyed reading your post, I seem to go thru phases of finding balance and organized, to feeling like chaos is moving in. Prayer, planning and setting boundaries are a must, when I forget to do any of these, that’s when things get crazy.
I agree. Prayer, planning, and boundaries are all key!
I am sooo bad about this. Thanks for the tips!
Absolutely; I hope they are helpful!
These are all such great points. I especially appreciate being clear on our priorities! After we’ve prayed and God’s pointed the way, sticking to the priorities will definitely keep us on track. A few friends and I have been doing our top 3 list of the day and that has helped me in so many ways. When I start to get distracted, I can’t help but think, “Is this one of the top 3 things I need to do today?” and it keeps me on my way.
I agree. A top 3 list of must do tasks seems like a really great idea! You could even make larger goals this way for the week/month.
This is such a great list! I find myself having crazy days/weeks more often than the great productive ones. I think summer with three kids at home all day had seriously added to my insanity. Looking a little forward to the structure of school. I really like the focus and getting your priorities in order. If you place the Lord first things really do seem to come together.
I bet! We only have one and there are lots of days I feel like I just cannot get it together!
Great advice here… As a life balance coach, I’m especially a fan on embracing the no! 🙂
Thanks so much, Meg!
Great tips, especially saying no! It is so easy to fall into the trap of doing too much and trying to people please, so I agree that saying NO, while not always fun is definitely necessary!
I completely agree! It’s can be a game changer!
Excellent tips, nicely explained, very helpful. Thank you.
Thanks so much!
Wait, there are people who have it all together?! I’m just kidding but I do really feel that way sometimes. These are really good tips. I’ve just recently started embracing “no” and it’s been the best thing I could have done for myself. I used to feel like I had to do it all but there just aren’t enough hours in a day. Prioritizing has been a huge help for knowing which tasks and activities to say no to, and I feel so much better these days.
It can be hard to say no sometimes – especially to good and fun things, but we really just can’t do it all!
I love the tip of remembering to give yourself grace. This idea was totally foreign to me until recently!
It can be tough, but it is really important!