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Here are 6 ways to strengthen your marriage by intentionally loving your spouse after kids. These are small, practical actions that you can take to create a happier marriage and home after having children.
A while back, I did a “ask me anything” on Instagram stories, and I LOVED all the fun questions that came in. Lots of questions about routines, kids, parenting, etc. But one in particular, I wanted to give more attention to because I think it is SO important.
And it’s something that I continue learning more about over here.
One of my Insta-friends asked, “What are some ways that you intentionally show love to your spouse after having kids?”
I’ve posted before about strengthening your marriage after kids, but this question struck me more as finding very practical, seemingly small, intentional things you can do even in the newborn days to show love to your spouse?
If you are looking for simple ways to strengthen your marriage – even when you feel exhausted, busy, and pulled in 1,000 different directions, this post is for you.
More Children Can Add Stress to Your Marriage
It is no secret that adding children to a family increases the stress level for parents. Frankly, this is true no matter how natural parenting comes to you or how much you love your kids (I’m assuming you love them a lot).
More children means more responsibilities and more demands for your attention and time.
Of course, this is not a bad thing, but it is something that I think we need to acknowledge. And having acknowledged it, we need to find real useful tools to help us manage those new responsibilities well, while still protecting our marriage.
I really believe that one of the ways that we love our children well is by intentionally taking care of our marriage and demonstrating healthy relationships for them.
6 Intentional Ways to Show Love to Your Spouse and Strengthen Your Marriage
Because our needs and responsibilities, even our tastes and desires change over time, it is important that we never stop being intentional in our marriage relationships – to affirm and appreciate one another and to give and receive love well.
Strong marriages depend on this kind of intentionality, pursuit, and commitment.
These are 6 things that you can do everyday to strengthen your marriage. I’ve intentionally left off things like “go on a regular date night” or “take a trip together”. I’ve even left of more simple things like “watch a movie or show together”. Because I know that there are some seasons of life where it can feel like you and your spouse are just two ships passing in the night.
Trust me – I know. When you are in an especially busy or exhausting season, that advice is great, but might not feel very realistic.
These things are easy. They are intentional. Most of them take less than one minute. And they really do make a difference.
Pray for Your Spouse
First and foremost, pray for your spouse and for your marriage. This one is the most important, I think.
Some specific things to pray for your marriage:
- Pray for patience and understanding with your spouse.
- That you would recognize acts of love from them.
- That you would seek to understand their actions and words that could have come across wrong.
- Pray for clear communication with your spouse:
- That you would both be able to clearly communicate what you need and want in a way that is loving and kind.
- Pray that you would be slow to anger when the other disappoints or frustrates you.
- Pray for your spouse that they would be successful in their work.
- Pray that they would be surrounded by good friends that encourage them and your marriage.
Send an Encouraging Text During the Day
If you are a stay-at-home mom, you probably know all too well, that late afternoon text to your husband, “how is your work going?” “What is your ETD this afternoon?” and so on.
I often send these to my husband (primarily to plan ahead for dinner), but also sometimes to give myself an update of when I’ll be able to have some help at home.
And while that is definitely not a bad thing, perhaps try sending a simple note of encouragement to your spouse during the day.
Something short – that doesn’t require a response.
Let them know you’re thinking about them, you appreciate them, you love them, whatever. Even a fun photo of the kids or something that you all are doing is a great way to connect during the day.
Just a quick text can be really encouraging.
Say Thank You
Next, say thank you. Like, actually, out loud, say thank you.
This one is something that I have been really intentional about in the last several months and I have seen a big shift in how quickly my husband is to help out naturally (and he is a really great helper). More importantly though, I have seen a shift in how my perspective has shifted.
Hearing myself say thank you causes me to stop and really acknowledge the ways that he supports me and our family.
Simple things – “thank you for taking out the trash.” “Thank you for going to work each day so that I can stay home with the boys.” “Thank you for letting me sleep a little extra today.” “Thank you for grabbing that thing so I didn’t have to go to the store.” And on and on.
When we stop to say thank you, we acknowledge that they other person is helping us. They are supporting us. It keeps us from taking for granted their contributions and worse, feeling entitled and even ungrateful for those things.
Say I Love You
Similarly to saying thank you out loud. Taking time to say “I love you” to your spouse is a great way to show love. Simply saying out loud that you love your spouse is a great reminder for both you and your spouse of your feelings toward one another.
Side note: The longer you’ve been married, you definitely know that you may not always FEEL love toward your spouse. It’s especially then when it’s good to say “I love you”. Because ultimately, we get to choose to love our spouse day after day whether or not we feel it on a certain day.
Touch Your Spouse
Another really great way to connect is to touch one another. Not even in a sexual way.
Easy things – like hugging one another, giving a kiss before your spouse goes to work or when they get home. Hold hands in the car or when you’re going for a walk.
Physical touch is a great way to literally connect and also to strengthen your marriage.
Make Time to Check In
Lastly, make time to check in – early and often. Some easy ways to do this might be to take time to ask one another before bed for a high and low of the day, something that you’re thankful for that day, or some other quick check in question like that.
Another idea is to share briefly what’s on your to-do list for the day. This will help you both understand what the other is working on during the days when you’re apart.
At the End of the Day
At the end of the day, strong marriages take work. But the work is worth it. It is so so worth it.
And we don’t have to sacrifice a good, strong marriage just because we have young children that are also demanding our attention.
Let’s Talk About It
I’d love to know small, practical ways that you prioritize your marriage even in the busy season of parenting!
This is so, so good! I think we sometimes forget that these are all honestly really the glue that holds our marriages together and we overly complicate things. Thanks for sharing these. You’ve challenged me to pray more regularly for my husband.
I agree! It really is the little, everyday things. It is something I am trying to focus on and be really intentional about this year!