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My grandmother passed away almost five years ago. In some ways that feels like a long time and in other ways not so much. Three of my four grandparents had passed away by the time I was five years old so I spent the majority of my childhood with just one grandparent – my Grandmama.
It’s taken a long time for everything to be sorted out and organized with the estate and the final piece of the puzzle happened on Saturday. Our family held an auction with lots of items from the estate, including the home and land that it sits on. We’ve all had time to make claim to certain things that we wanted to and were able to keep and the rest was put up for auction.
We all knew that this was coming. We did it before when my grandfather passed away (although I was too young to remember too many of the details) to sell much of his farm equipment. It’s strange how these things work though. It’s like you know rationally why you are doing a thing. You are confident that it needs to be done. But your heart still hurts doing it. That’s how Saturday was for us. Closure, but pain.
Grieving the Loss of a Childhood Home
There are so Many Sweet Memories Tied Up in this Place
This place is so special to me. It’s the place where we had sleepovers when we were little. It’s the place I learned how to make French toast – Grandmama always made it for us the mornings after we’d spent the night. It’s the place Granddaddy would call us up to his knee and give us a piece of candy when we’d gotten in trouble with Grandmama (funny how grandparents can spoil you like that).
It’s the place we climbed trees and ran around the yard. (The yard was huge and backed up to part of the farm.) After which, we would come in for crushed ice or walk down the street for an orange sherbet push-up to eat on the porch swing. That of course was the same porch swing that we somehow managed to make fall down once.
Every fourth of July, we’d sit out with the neighbors to watch the parade. We’d cookout and play the whole day and join the same neighbors in the yard for the town’s fireworks. We walked to the post office to get the mail and listened to stories from Grandmama’s teaching days at the town school we passed by on the way.
At Christmas, we would admire Mr. Jack’s lights. He lived next door and truly had the best lights in the town. The patio would be filled with sweets. All the best things were saved for Christmas and each family member had their own dishes to contribute. We made sure to get to bed early because in the morning, we knew that the living room would be filled with gifts from Santa. Until the one Christmas when I couldn’t sleep of course and found out the truth about the man with the long beard. I wasn’t surprised, but made a promise not to tell my siblings.
On Easter, we took pictures in the front yard in our Sunday best. And when we were old enough, we practiced our roller blading on the long driveway and under the carport. We ate grapes right off the vine and helped pick weeds away from the marigolds in Grandmama’s flower bed. We painted with water and colored with markers. We laughed and cried and had the absolute best of times.
Grandmama’s house was full of love. I am so thankful to have lived close by and to have been able to spend so much of my childhood in that home. I never once doubted that she loved us and would have done anything for us.
But it’s Not the Same Place That it Was
It’s funny how a place can be so familiar and foreign at the same time. No one has lived in Grandmama’s house for years. Grandmama had Alzheimer’s and spent several years in an assisted living home close to us once she needed full-time care.
Houses lose something when the people move out. The stuff might stay there (and boy did it ever stay there). But over time, the dust starts to settle. The old bones of the house get tired.
That’s what happened to Grandmama’s house. My mom has worked hard to try to take care of it, but it’s not the same when no one lives there. I’ve been back to the house several times over the years to help clean things out, make sure the property stayed secure, and so on. It’s strange to go back to a home that was once so full of life and love and adventure and see it empty.
I immediately burst into tears going into the house on Saturday. It’s like having your private places just on display for everyone to walk all over. To see in less than it’s glory and to value without any knowledge of the special memories.
The Goodbye Feels so Permanent – Because it Is.
After all was said and done, we drove away from the house one last time. In some ways, it felt like we could finally exhale. The sorting out was done and we could finally move on. But in other ways it was just really hard. It’s hard to say goodbye to a place that was so special knowing that you won’t be coming back to it. It’s not our place anymore.
So, we just remember the good times. And there were some really good times. I am forever thankful for all the love that was poured out in that house. There are such special memories there that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
Goodbye, old house. I miss you already.
Have you ever had to say goodbye to a place you love? What was it like for you?
This is where I am right now and it feels like a death. It is more painful than I could have imagined.
Oh, Hannah. I am so sorry. It is terrible. Wishing you all the best comfort during this time. Even now there are days where I miss my grandparents so much, it’s like a punch right in the gut. Feeling this with you! <3
This tugs at my heart! I haven’t had to go through it yet with my grandparents house or my parents house but I know it’s coming soon and I dread it. Each house holds a lot of my heart, however I understand when you say it’s not the same without the people in them. Thank you for writing this!
xo
Amanda @ Cupcake N Dreams
Thanks so much for stopping by, Amanda! It is certainly not fun at all. But, we are so thankful for all the memories we made there!
I am so sorry! It sounds like you have wonderful memories!
Thank you; yes – so many good times!
Yes, for sure: remember the good times. And it sounds like you had many wonderful times to share with your Grandma!
So many fun times! Thank you for stopping by!
What a sweet post! I too have such fond memories of my grandparents’ homes. I can still remember them quite vividly, but wish I had more photos to share with my own children. You should definitely make a keepsake using yours!
Thanks! I tried to take as many photos as I could this past weekend! I’m hoping to think of something special to do with them!
This is such a lovely post and resonates with me so strongly. Your grandparents and childhood sound so lovely and their home is so lovely. When people no longer occupy a house that was once so special and so theirs, it really makes the saying “people make a house a home” ring true. Thank you for sharing this.
You are so right. It’s funny how those old sayings are just old sayings until we experience them first hand. Then they become not so cliche. I appreciate you stopping by!
Such a beautiful post… I feel the same way about my Grandmas house and as soon as I step inside I feel like I’m home…
It’s funny how we can grow so attached to places, huh?
Such beautiful memories, and such beautiful photos. You will always have these. You could even print them out and put them in a photo book, something to share with future generations.
Thank you! I’m thinking of something like that with the photos. I tried to take as many little detail shots as I could when I was there. I would love to do something keepsake worthy with them.
I feel you. I left my childhood home at 18 and I still drive by every now and again and take pictures. They didn’t take care of the property so the house is a real eye sore. It makes me so sad because my parents worked extra hard to keep our house well maintained. Thank you for sharing this.
Wow. That has got to be tough! It’s hard seeing a home that was once so cared for not be anymore.
That is a beautiful house, made even more beautiful by those precious memories! I;m glad you had it in your lives so long to enjoy it. I’m sorry you’re saying goodbye to it, but I lvoe that you can hold onto all those great memories too!
Thanks so much for your kind words! I am so thankful for these memories as well!
What a beautiful post! This hit home for me too–how we associate all those beautiful memories with a place. Thank you for sharing such precious memories with us.
Jen – Thanks for stopping by! I’m glad to share such fun memories!
Oh this is never easy but the memories you know will be cherished forever! The pics are fabulous! (ps – you’re still showing as a no-reply blogger so I don’t want you to think I’m not seeing your comments on my blog!) Thank you!! xoxo
Thanks! I need to get that fixed ASAP! I moved to wordpress, so I’m still learning some of the ropes!
Love that this story will help preserve your memories of this beautiful home. Lovely post and a wonderful tribute to a place you once called ‘home.’
Thank you so much!
Beautiful post here! Enjoyed it for sure and that you shared this.
Thanks for stopping by, Jehava! I’m glad that you enjoyed it – I love sharing those sweet memories with others!
Sounds like you had some pretty awesome memories, not made because of the home, but made with the home and the presence of your grandmother! Luckily memories will last 🙂
We definitely did have some awesome memories! You are so right – those are the most important.
It sounds like you had some great memories at this home. I know it must have been heart parting with his belongings but you will always have those memories. Such a beautiful reflection piece.
Thank you so much. It was tough, but good to have closure in a lot of ways. This was a good piece for me to write – it was actually quite therapeutic to go back and remember all these sweet things!
Ah..I can so relate to this! Not only are you grieving the loss of your grandma but that place that held so many fond memories. I try to find solace in those good memories because we are blessed to have had them and that loved one in our lives .
Yes! I thought of that many times on Saturday – how blessed I was to have had so many good memories that it made saying goodbye so difficult! We will hold those with us always!
Gosh, I feel like I’m grieving with you! Such a beautiful post <3
Thank you so much; I appreciate you stopping by!
Beautifully written! It’s so incredibly tough to let go of places we love and that we have so many memories tied to, but you captured the poignancy so well. I love that you wrote down some of your memories; photos and anecdotes are wonderful ways to remember a place and loved ones.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. It is such a strange feeling. I love these memories so much though and I was so glad to be able to capture some photos before we left!
Such a beautiful post. It’s great that you have all of things to hold onto and cherish
-xoxo, Azanique
LotsofSass.com
Thanks! We certainly do have lots of things to cherish and I am really thankful for that!
This hit home with me on so many levels! I grew up with all four of my grandparents and spent a ton of time in both of their houses. Each one I can remember every little detail of, which rooms and corners were my favorite. I thankfully never went through the houses when they did the estate sales, but I’ve driven past them with others living there. You’re right, a house isn’t the same when the people aren’t there. Hold on to those memories of the house and your Grandmama, those are the best parts of each and they’re yours forever.
Totally agree! It’s so strange – but I am so thankful to have such fond memories of these places and people!