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If you’ve been around here the last few weeks, you’ve heard me talk quite a bit about goal setting. First, I posted about my one word and focus for 2018. Then, we talked about having a solid foundation and aligning your goals with your priorities – aka making sure you set goals you’ll accomplish.
I’d like to continue the goal setting conversation today with one last post – setting goals with your spouse. Individual goals are important and necessary, but all too often, we forget to include our spouse in those goals.
Hubs and I usually sit down at the beginning of this year to go over the prior year’s goals and update for the new year. We did things a little differently this year – by individually answering a list of questions we wrote ahead of time. It truly was the best goal setting session we’ve had. We were able to identify areas we’d both like to improve in our marriage, celebrate our favorite parts of 2017 and dream a little about what we’d like to accomplish in 2018.
It was such a great meeting in fact, that I want to share some of the how-to with you all.
Today I want to talk about some of the benefits of taking the time to set goals together with your spouse, some tips to make that time effective, as well as provide you with some of the questions that Hubs and I went over this year to help get you started.
Setting Goals with Your Spouse: Why You Should Do It
- Intentionally taking time to spend with your spouse to set goals gives you the opportunity to reconnect and intentionally take time to learn about your spouse.
- Setting goals with your spouse allows you to strengthen your marriage by giving time to identify and address possible areas of weakness, challenges, and opportunities for growth in the new year.
- Writing your goals together allows you to have a tangible list of things that you are working towards TOGETHER. This is so helpful to remind you both that you are in this thing called life together – you’re on the same team.
- By setting goals with your spouse, you allow yourself to put your individual goals in larger context of your marriage and family. This allows you to create a better working plan to get both family and individual goals accomplished.
- Your spouse can be your best accountability partner and cheerleader in accomplishing your goals.
- When you are working towards something together, you are able to celebrate all the big [and small] victories together.
- Setting goals together allows you the opportunity to re-asses and update your goals as needed throughout the year.
Setting Goals with Your Spouse: How to Make Your Time Effective
- Decide which areas of your lives are relevant or most important to set goals in for the year. Some ideas include:
- Marriage
- Family/Kids
- Home
- Financial
- Personal Goals/Dreams
- Create a shared list of questions that you will work through together.
- About a week ahead of our goal setting date, we created a shared list of questions to cover the topics above. I wrote the questions and then sent to Hubs for review and commenting so he could add questions that he wanted to work through together. [You can download the questions that we used here!]
- Make it a date!
- This should be fun! Pick a date and a place that you both like to go over your goals. Maybe it’s your favorite restaurant, coffee shop, or book store. Wherever it is, pick a place that you’ll both be excited to visit and will be able to sit and have good conversation.
- Prepare individually.
- Come to your date prepared. You wouldn’t go to a meeting with your boss unprepared. Don’t go into this meeting unprepared either. Preparing ahead ensures that you’ll be able to have a productive conversation (and tells your spouse that you value the opportunity to plan together.)
- Celebrate all the good of the year before.
- A good way to get started is to take some time in the beginning to remember some of the highlights of the previous year. Accomplishments, fun vacations, favorite memories, etc. Remembering these things together will help get your wheels turning for some of the things you’d like to do in the new year.
- Listen with an open mind and heart.
- This one is HUGE. This time is not only about remembering the good times, it’s also about identifying areas for improvement in your marriage. Frankly – this can be tough and uncomfortable to work through. Discuss areas of your marriage that could use some work and then work together to create a plan to safeguard against those in the new year.
- Hubs and I both individually agreed that communication was one of our biggest areas of weakness in 2017. It was helpful to have both of our perspectives on some of the causes and ways that we could improve in 2018. I cannot tell you how good it was to just listen to one another in a safe place where our concerns could also be heard.
- Take notes, write it down and get started.
- Writing your goals down significantly increases the likelihood that you’ll stick to them. Take notes on what the other person is saying. Work together then to write your new goals for the year. Writing these down will allow you to go back and reference them throughout the year, and keep on track.
- Finally, just get started. Decide on your first action steps and just dive in.
Get Your FREE Goal Setting Worksheet HERE!
I’ve created a free worksheet that includes a re-cap of this information as well as all of the questions that Hubs and I used to create our goals this year. These questions are a great way to get the conversation going with your spouse! Just click the link above to download your fee worksheet!
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This is a great post and has so many good ideas. Paul and I are trying to place more emphasis on “us” as a couple now that the kids are getting a little older and I’m going to put this post on one of my pinterest boards so I can refer to it.
Thanks so much, Julie! I hope it will be helpful! We are still in the little kid stage and I am learning more than I expected about how important it is to be intentional in our marriage! I have referred back to these myself!
Oh so much good advice here. I can see doing this would broaden communication and bring us back to being on the same page.
It was really helpful for us too go through these questions together!
I’ve been married nearly 15 years and I can’t believe we’ve never considered making a goal list TOGETHER! We both write out our own individual ones but this is such an awesome way to take on the year and your goals in a united way. Thanks so much for sharing and for the printable!
Absolutely! It’s so easy to forget, but I think it’s really helpful to do as a team!
This is a really great idea. I’m going to try and convince my husband that we should do this together.
It is always really helpful for us to make our goals together. We used these questions this year and it really helped us to guide our conversation.
What a wonderful idea! I have set personal goal, but I do not really share them with the hubs and we have never set them together! Not sure why I never thought of it before…
Thanks for linking up at #LiveLifeWell!
Blessings,
Amy
So helpful! It’s great to have a guide for the conversation as it’s so easy to get distracted and not accomplish anything. We sit down almost monthly to talk about financial goals, but often forget to celebrate our victories together. That’s so important!
Totally!! It’s awesome that you are in a regular habit of goal setting together!!
Love this! Family goal setting is such a powerful tool. We even let me Son make a goal so he can feel like he’s contributing to the family. When we go through the journey TOGETHER we come out stronger as a family unit♥
I totally agree. I think the togetherness of this sort of goal setting really helps with bonding and accountability. Helps keep everyone on the same page and feeling a part of the team!
Great notes, especially for the communication part! It’s so important!
What an awesome idea! So much talk this time of year about personal goals but joint goals are an important thing too! My husband and I recently sat down and discussed travel and home goals …but I’ll have to add the other areas to our next date!
It is so helpful to talk about them together, I’ve found. Helps you know what the other is working on so you can be supportive as well as what you should be working on together!
Thank you for the pointers. I particularly liked the thought that you should prepare individually for meeting. How many times did I want to make a point and it didn’t come out correctly or a forgot to say something?
That is so relateable! It is especially important to have some time to gather your own thoughts so you can be sure to articulate them well!
Thank you for the tips on setting goals with your spouse! I like the ideas & tips to be able to do that.
Absolutely! It has been really helpful to us!
Thank you for sharing this. I know for me and my family, we often get so caught up with setting goals for a business that I never really thought about what goals we should try to fulfill as a family. #wanderingwednesday
It can be so easy to forget to make goals for your family and marriage. We have to really be intentional to not let it slip through the cracks.
I absolutely LOVE this post, ML! Thanks so much for the printable resource; it’s so practical and helpful! I can’t wait to share this with G! <3
Oh good!! This was the first time we wrote questions ahead of time and it really helped us stay focused and guide the conversation. ♥️
I love this! It’s so important to do this together regularly.
I love this! Our marriages will not grow and become stronger unless we are intentional about them. One of my worst fears is to wake up to a stranger – having us both grown in our own direction instead of together. You’ve laid out a great plan!
I agree. It is so important to be intentional about our marriages in order to keep them strong and healthy!
My husband and I were just talking the other day about needing to sit down and do this. I love the idea of making it a date night and celebrating successes of the year before!
Yes! Date night makes it way more fun! So much to celebrate, too!!
This is a great idea! It’s so important to be on the same page as your husband. I think everyone should do this together! My husband and I talk about our goals and the next steps all the time.
I completely agree! It is really helpful!
These are great ideas! Jake and i write down goals each year for ourselves individually but as a couple would be so beneficial!
It is really helpful. Even if it’s just a couple of things. It helps give you context into which you can accomplish your own goals & keeps you on the same page!
Love this. My husband and I discussed our goals together and it really is helpful to ensure your on the same page and held accountable.
I completely agree! We try to make time to go over them together often!
Love this for talking with your spouse as well. We have both changed and grew so much since we first got married as well. Communication is a weakness of ours as well I think and taking time to understand eac other. I love your printable! Thanks, I will be sure to share this. Thanks for sharing.
Oh, I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I hope it will be helpful. I think it’s really useful for helping frame conversation – especially if communication is an area for improvement. We have also changed quite a bit individually and as a couple over the years which makes it so important to be intentional in working together on these things!
This is great! My husband and I are also working on better marriage maintenance this year, starting with a regular date night. We may have to do this one evening!
I like the idea of making the conversation a date! And it’s so important to come into the conversation with understanding if one spouse is more hesitant to make goals together than the other. Great list!
Completely! I think making it a date makes it seem more fun!
A great idea for adult partners to consider I’m sure!
I tried to have a conversation on the fly with my husband last year about goal-setting and if sort of fell flat. Off to check out your questions – maybe those will help us have a more significant conversation this year!!
The questions are really helpful to frame the conversation, I think. Hopefully you can set aside time to go through them together!
What a great idea. I like that it gives you a broad perspective to frame your personal goals. I need to find more balance in my life and this sounds like a great way to start! Thank you.
I totally agree. Balance is so hard to find sometimes! Writing things down and prioritizing helps me tremendously!
This is wonderful! I love setting goals and I think it’s so beneficial to set them together! Both people have to live with the consequences so it really makes sense. Awesome to have a printable for it too!
You’re exactly right – both people have to live with the consequences! We have really enjoyed working on our goals together!
Ooh what a good idea! I certainly have never done this formally, but my SO and I usually touch base informally about what’s going on for the week/month/year to try to plan and grow (usually because I’m obsessing about my goals and I need to make sure they’re feasible and we’re on the same page). I like the idea of formalizing this and making it a date though 🙂
Oh, making it a date makes it way more fun! It is really helpful to plan together!
I love this idea! I’m so thankful my husband and I have continually grown closer over the years. These are some seriously great ideas!
That is so wonderful! Marriage definitely takes work and intentionality, but is so worth it!
I totally need this sheet for myself! I am trying to do better with mapping out my goals this year.
-xo, Azanique | http://www.lotsofsass.com
They are really helpful questions to think through – even for yourself, I think.
This is such a good reminder. Sometimes, life with kids gets overwhelming and the idea of setting time aside with your spouse is exhausting but at the end of the day, they’re the one who’s going to be with you. Great post. Excited to download the printable ❤️❤️❤️
I totally agree! It’s important to continue to cultivate a healthy relationship with your spouse even (and especially) when you have kids! It can be hard to set aside the time, but so so important!
Hmm, this is something we have never done before. I’m gonna have to give this some consideration. (pinned so I wouldn’t forget)
This was our first year actually writing questions ahead of time and I thought it was really useful!
What a great idea. My husband and I have never done anything like this.
I definitely recommend it! We try to make goals together each year, but this was the first year we used questions to prepare ahead of time and it was a really great process!
I don’t have a spouse but this is such an amazing idea. I love a good printable so I will def be sending to friends and family! For lack of a better term, this really makes sure everyone is on the same “page”!
Thanks so much for sharing! It definitely does get everyone on the same page! (& I love a good pun!)
What a great idea. I’m not married, but this is definitely something to keep in mind if I ever do in the future. There are definitely a lot of couple goals when you’re in a relationship so talking them over sounds like the best way to aim for them.
-Lauren
We have found it so helpful to be on the same page and it gives us a starting point to go back to throughout the year whenever we need to review and get back on the same page!
Great ideas – especially for couples that need to reconnect and work on communication! Sometimes when day to day life gets too hectic we forget to really connect with one another and communication gets lost.
You are so right! It can be really easy to forget to really prioritize communication and I think this helps restart and get everyone on the same page.
You know, I’ve seen SO many posts about goals etc but not one about setting some with your spouse. I think I’m going to do this with my husband. Thanks for the inspiration!
Absolutely! It was really helpful to sit down together and go over these questions!
Such lovely ideas here, I love the idea of goal setting together, great idea. Thanks for linking up to this weeks #BloggersBests
Absolutely! Goal setting together has been really helpful to us! Great to reconnect and also better understand what the other’s goals are, too!
This is fantastic! I so needed this!
Oh good!! I’m so glad it can be helpful!